A True American Hero.
Posted: March 29th, 2006, 7:25 am
People, I would like to tell you a story. This story is non-fiction. It is a story that often goes unheard, down through the ages, and has been robbed of it's true glory by the terrorist fascists of the world like Chico Harlan. This story is one that will bring a tear to even the strongest man's eye, and bring even the proudest to their knees in humbleness and honor.
People, I am talking about the last American hero. He is a man without without jealousy, without greed, and full of unselfishness for his fellow man. That hero's name is Anthony Morelli.
As the sands of time twindle their way through the hourglass of life, his story is more and more forgotten. But I have not forgotten. Nay, I have seen this man with my own eyes and witnessed the power in both that arm and in that tender heart.
Like all characters of mystery and awe, this man's childhood is unknown. What we know, however, is that his parents were of the bravest, noblest stock, for they raised a true champion of a son. Everything was great for Anthony in high school, as he was heralded as the best quarterback our great state has ever seen. Little did the projectionists known then that this prophecy would ring true. Anthony was being pursued by many great universities with many great football coaches and storied traditions. Anthony had decided to stay at his homeland of Pittsburgh and help bring their cesspool of a football program back to the days of their national titles, which are to this day still disputed as to whether or not ever existed. The city rejoiced. But then the evil took over.
Old Man Palko, the modern-day Old Man Clanton, was weaseling his way around the chicken-coup. And that chicken-coup was the all-star game. Old Man Palko knew that his own son, the feeble and weak Tyler, was no match for Anthony in speed, accuracy, throwing power, or football might. So like Eve eating the fruit of SATAN, Old Man Palko gave in to the horror and evilness and ate all the poisoned fruit. He backstabbed young Anthony in a pitiful display of jealousy and FEAR.
Young Anthony's world grew dark, and sad. He was directionless for quite a long time, not knowing what his future held after the University of Pittsburgh and Old Man Palko engaged in a horrible conspiracy and deceived the town's brightest star.
But things did get better for Anthony, and his life was saved by the most legendary man of them all. Joe Paterno found Anthony crying under a bridge, alone in the grime and recesses of the city and HIS OWN DARKENED MIND. Papa Joe placed a hand on this young man and he saved his life, much like he saved the lives of countless other young men during his iconic dynasty at Penn State. Anthony Morelli had found his smile once again.
Under the direction of the best coaching staff in the nation, working side-by-side with two of the best (Mike McQueary and Jay Paterno), Anthony quickly blossomed into a supreme warrior at the quarterbacking position. But still, the obstacles lay ahead of Anthony, now no longer a boy but a rock-solid man of steel and power. Anthony was forced to sit and wait his turn behind legendary Penn State quarterbacks Zack Mills and Michael Robinson. But this solitude and patience has taken a man to the heights of humanity and given him almost godlike powers. And Anthony did not waste his talents. The young child on the left in that photo was saved by Anthony when crackheads tried to rob the child in a park in Philadelphia. Sensing danger, Anthony rushed to the city and was able to throw a football so hard at the crackheads' car that it penetrated the car's metal and hit the gas tank and blew the whole car up. Crisis averted before anything even happened. But that's not where the story stops. The man in the upper right corner is none other than Kamala the Ugandan Giant, who was rescued by Anthony during an African AIDS struggle and brought here to the United States, where he was trained by Anthony and entered into a successful career in the World Wrestling Federation.
But still, evil people like Chico Harlan and the international Pitt conspiracy try to hold back this man's great story and great achievements. So please, take time out of your day to pay homage to Anthony Morelli for all the things he has done and who he is. Write to your congressman and tell him that the internationl Pitt conspiracy is real and must be destroyed.
