PSU Lands a Verbal and Annoying Fans

[The Ancient Enemy]

The Nittany Lions landed their first verbal, some lineman from down east that none of us ever heard of. If you listen real closely you can hear my excitement.

So we got something in the mail from Penn State. "New Seatback Service for Football Season Ticket Holders". They will actually put some kind of seat, with a back, on your bleacher at Beaver Stadium if you "rent" this thing from the university. Here's what it offers:

- great comfort and back support
- cushioned seat and back
- clearly holds and defines seat space
- guaranteed satisfaction

Okay... I would have to argue that point 2 is a little too similiar to point 1 to be used as its own valid point. You can also throw in point 4 in that. Point 3... here's an interesting point. So, the university knows that there's a space issue on the bleachers. Yet, this does not stop anyone from hacking inches off your seat every year to make 19 extra seats available stadium wide. Thank you, Penn State. The only thing the seatback option does is shows everyone else how dumb you are for buying season tickets to see Fordham and Louisiana Lafayette, and maybe Iowa every 2 years. Actually, it also does this: irritates everyone else around you. Now, you can actually be such a jerk that people will SEE that you went out of your way to be a jerk, and actually PAID MONEY to irritate everyone that sits around you. If you can't sit still for 3 hours without collapsing on top of the idiot in front of you, maybe you oughta just stay home and watch the games on television. Or just go to Pitt games, there's plenty of space to stretch out and lounge around in those stands. The 50 people in the row behind you all limp away from the game with shin injuries, but at least your own lard-*** gets "guaranteed satisfaction" from the seat. If I am paying EXTRA money for the season tickets AGAIN I want a hotdog machine inside the seat and also fresh-squeezed orange juice delivered specially for me by a shirtless midget in an apron.